Change

I think for as long as I can remember I've always been known to take a beating. No matter if it were fighting or football, I could get rocked and not bothered by it. I have always had this strength to get knocked down and stand right back up seemingly unharmed. I've had my bruises, but they heal pretty quickly.

I guess thats what you learn about life after 21 years...you always get back up. No matter how bad the circumstances, how bad the trials, how bad it hurts...you get back up. Better yet, you get back up better than when you got knocked down.

Life has a really funny way of always being okay. When bad things happen, we think its the end of the world. We begin to convince ourselves that our lives are over and nothing will ever be the same again. A couple weeks later, everything is fine. We...are fine.

Why do we get so bent out of shape? Why do insecurities creep up so quickly? Why do we lose our sense of comfort quicker than we can blink? So, what is it? How do we become so...lost?

We get robbed of our security. As hibitual human beings, we hate change. No offense to the campaign slogans, but we don't like change. We say that we do, and we say that we want it...but change hurts. Change drops us in hot water and forces us to learn to adapt as soon as possible.

I know God is faithful and i've seen His hand over my life throughout every circumstance or trial i've faced. I may not like it sometimes, but I always walk away from it a little stronger. Change isn't enjoyable, but it keeps us interested. It keeps us focused on constantly striving to be better and reach new heights. It comes at the times we are usually ill-prepared and rocks our worldview for the moment. I know I have a lot of changes that are coming, but I know that i'm going to be fine. I know God will never give me anything more than I can handle, and always gives the strength to get back up.

Cure for the Thirsty Christian

The Heart of *true* worship

Why is it today that church has become so fake? The people have become so dead. The music repetitive. The worship routine. The prayers empty. What happened to the church that was on fire? How is it that we have become so callused to God and true worship? When was it that worshipping the God of Heaven and Earth became such a chore? I'm just a human, I can't answer these questions. Questions that arise because I have to live with it. Questions that burden me so much because I can't find the answer. Questions that are there because I'm not sure if I can fix it. What has worship become? Just a bunch of songs on a screen. Words made up by man to "glorify" God. Where is the heart? Where is the passion? Worship was designed as a way to praise God, but now it is a talk-time or a few extra minutes that you can be late for church. Jesus said that if He didn't get the worship from His people, He would make the rocks cry out to Him. As Christians, we are not doing our jobs. Personally, I don't want a rock doing my job. Our purpose on this earth is to worship God. That is what we were created to do. God created us for a purpose, and that purpose is to glorify Him. It is ridiculous to think that when people sing, "we raise up holy hands…" or "more love, more power, more faith, more passion" we stand there and yawn. Where is the passion? We are singing praise to the Almighty God, the Creator, the Alpha and Omega, Powerful God. P-o-w-e-r-f-u-l God. The same God that calms storms, raises the dead, feeds 5,000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves. That God. Our words are empty, what does that say about our character? The Bible says out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. When you are speaking meaningless and empty words, does that mean that your heart is meaningless and empty? Are you as a person meaningless and empty? The same person that Jesus shed every ounce of His blood for on Calvary. The same person that He loved enough to make Himself human so He could go through life to understand you more. The same person that He was tempted, beaten, ridiculed, humiliated, and broken for. Yes, we are that person. Why don't we worship or even pray like that? We don't really pray because we are scared someone may hear us. We don't really pray because we are afraid of offending someone. We don't really pray because we just "aren't in the mood" or "don't have enough time". I am talking about real prayer. Prayer that ends with you on your knees. Prayer that raises conviction. Prayer that doesn't include, "well, please bless…, and I pray, uh, a…blessing over the day and the speaker…" BORING. I'm surprised God hasn't fallen asleep. He created you to pray a prayer that you can't even think of any words to say? Yet, when we start to talk about something like boyfriends/girlfriends, new movies, and so on, we can't shut up. Start not being able to shut up in prayer. That will get some attention. Put passion into it. Community prayer is also important. The type of prayer that God was talking about when He said in Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Do you think God is going to show up in a room with a bunch of dead beats? Or on the day of Pentecost when you had believers from all over the nation gathered together. People that didn't speak even the same language. God intervened. God showed up. The Holy Spirit came down and entered into these people. Then they were able to speak the same language and understood each other. When Christians gather (for the RIGHT reasons) God shows up. GOD. The real God. How awesome is that? Community prayer is so important because it is important to have a community of believers who are on the same page, who are searching for the same things. When you have a community of believer there for no Spiritual purpose, you get utter chaos. You get, hypothetically speaking, people who can't even understand one another. What happens when you have a group of people who are there for absolutely no Spiritual purpose whatsoever + a group of people who are there for Spiritual reasons but are too scared to do anything? You get a bunch of people standing around singing meaningless songs and praying prayers that they don't even mean. I doubt people really mean when they say, "God, please show up in this place". Because When God "really" shows up: things change, people change, heart change, and lives change. But change is hard. Why change when you can stay the same? Stay comfortable without any real spiritual responsibility? What is so wrong with staying the same? Well, for starters, you get so routine and so into a certain process that you eventually end up losing the fire. You lose what you really came to church for in the first place for. Change also brings conviction. And I'm not talking about, "oh I had an attitude last week, better work on that" type of conviction. I'm talking about, "wow, I'm a total fake when it comes to prayer/worship" type of convictoin. Conviction that stays in your head until your get rid of your sin. Conviction that drives you to your knees because you have no where else to go. Conviction that makes you realize that you are just another human being that is absolutely nothing. Conviction that makes you hunger and thirst because you have a fire that burns so heavily inside of you. True conviction. Webster's dictionary defines conviction as the state of being found and proven guilty; a fixed and firm belief. We've been found guilty. It is only by the grace of God that covers all sin that we are alive today. I believe it is a sin to say words like, "we raise up holy hands" and not raise your hands. It is like a blatant lie. To sing about how much we love God and sing about amazing grace, and stand there like a fool. You are not only hurting yourself, you are hurting everyone around you just because you "aren't in the mood", I'm sure Jesus "wasn't in the mood" to get beaten and nailed to a cross either. But He did. It isn't a matter of what mood you are in, it is your Spiritual responsibility to praise your Creator. People talk about how much they "want to see Bible-time miracles" well do something about it. Don't just talk about it. Learn how to really pray. Learn how to truly worship. Get on your face before your God and pour out your heart. And mean it for goodness sakes. Don't pray because you were picked on to do it, pray because you love God and you want to talk to Him. And you know what I find funny, God says He listens to ALL prayers. Even you fake ones. He is listening to your fake worship and your meaningless prayers and HE is waiting for truth and honesty. He is waiting for a second of it to be REAL. And He waits…and waits. Just like He is knocking on the door. Let Him in, fulfill His desire to hear your honesty. If it takes you looking like a fool, then be a fool for the Lord. If it takes you stepping out of your little comfort zone and doing something out of your character, then do it. If it takes your praying out loud in front of peers, then pray like you've never prayed before. "Yet at the core of TRUE worship is a life that gives up everything. Its not about what is in it for 'us', rather, its about beingbroken and humbled before the King of eternity as we lay down our lives and agendas before Him". Wow, being broken and humbled. Becoming Nothing so that He can be Everything. Worship is a lifestyle, real prayer a priority. Stop singing empty songs, and praying meaningless prayers. What are your motives when we worship/pray to God? Why are you doing it? Is it to show others how "spiritual" you are? Or is it because you don't want the rocks doing your job? Is it because you want to worship your God for Who He is and what He is doing in your life? If we lose sight of our God, we lose sight of worship/prayer all together? When two or more are gathered, there I am with them. Community worship isn't to show off your voice, or impress people with your Spirituality. Community worship is everyone, from every walk of life, lifting up one voice to our King. The King Who is still on the throne no matter what. And still takes the time to listen to you, meaningless or real. Isn't it about time that we get back to the true heart of worship? The center and the core of our Spiritual walk with God.

Sacred Obsession

"obsession" :the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

What does it mean to truly have an obsession?

Obsession is like one of those words that when you say...you feel it. Words such as passion and desperation. Its something that resonates so deep within our souls that we don't even truly understand or grasp its meaning. Its full meaning anyway, or even the potential of its meaning. To have an obsession is to have your mind and your heart and your life completely and utterly consumed with the fire of God. To be completely desperate, passionate...obsessed with Almighty God. You have to get to a point in your life where its God first, God second, and God third. This is the point where He is all you think about, its all you dwell upon, its all you want to learn about, its all you want to talk about, its all you want to do. It literally takes over your whole entire life, your whole being to that point where nothing is left except for a deep, intimate relationship with God. How powerful would that be? To be drenched with the passion and fire of God 24/7. In the Bible days, there were these young people who wanted to become Rabbis but they first had to learn all of these rules and steps and memorize these massive portions of Scripture. They have to pattern their lives after these Rabbis. They have to follow them so closely that they are covered in their dust. Wouldn't it be awesome to say that you follow Christ (your Rabbi) so closely that you are covered in His dust?

"Sacred": dedicated or devoted exclusively to a single use, purpose, or person; worthy of respect...

When we have a sacred obsession with God, we realize that our lives become absorbed with Him. Its to abandon unholy, unhealthy passions and dive into a deep, highly intimate, life-changing relationship with God. It starts by having focus and discipline. Being able to actually sit down and take the time with God that He wants so desperately. Taking a few extra moments out of your day to study, read, memorize, pray. Find something that inspires you to live life with such complete devotion and total abandon (to yourself, needs, wants, goals...) that your love for God cannot be contained. That when people look at you, they see Him. Everything you say and everything you do radiates the cause of Christ.

But why is this concept so hard to grasp. It is the most difficult thing in the world because of all of the distractions that life throws our way. Our focus is constantly on every other thing except the Cross...or it is a last resort. My hope is that you decide that living a mediocre Christian life just isn't good enough.

That you truly get covered in the dust of your Rabbi...

Independence

I wrote this the summer after I graduated highschool, and it still applies today. I have so many people that question this aspect of my life..so, i thought i would share.

:)

For now, i don't need him. For now, I'm happy being just me. I'm happy being single. I'm strong. I'm independent. I don't need him until i've proved my point. Until i've established myself. I'm a woman who doesn't need a man to complete her or make her happy. Happiness isn't defined in a boyfriend for me. I define happiness when i've reached my goals and accomplished my dreams. Right now, he isn't in that definition. I don't need saving or a knight in shining armor. I'm not needy, i've learned to be alone. I'm normally not clingy, I like my space. I'm not manipulative, if I want something, i'll ask...politely. I'm not really a jerk, until you push ALL of my buttons. I hate getting "hit on", I admire respect. I'm not stupid, I know if i'm wasting my time. I'm not incredibly girly, I just dress like it so don't expect me to run to you with my problems. I'm sassy, but grounded. I'm high maintenance, but only about important things. I talk non-stop, but i'll listen to your every word. I have slight ADD but you have my full attention. I'm sophisticated and elegant, but only when I have to be. I'm goofy, but serious when you need me to be. I live my life for God and strive for His approval, so don't expect me to change for you. I have a smart mouth, I work on it..sometimes. I love to have my way, but will always change it to make you happy. I'm a servant, but also a leader. I'm strong-willed, but compassionate. I'm tough, yet sensitive. I live a life of passion and determination, only God can change my heart/mind. Some say i'm stubborn and fickle, I say i'm like every other female. I'm ready for "him" when the time comes, but i'm not waiting by the phone. I'm out living my life and serving my God. If you need me, you better be God-planned. If not, I won't allow you to waste my time. I'm not going out to look for "him", i'll wait until the time comes. Until then, I have a piece of my heart reserved for him and it won't be tinkered or played with by dating every guy that walks by. It will be fully for "him." Until then, its bottled up. Waiting but not longing. I'm patient because I have a lot to prove and accomplish before I get "tied down" lol. Right now, this is me. Stubborn, hard-headed, independent, and strong. I've been hurt...I forgive and forget. I move on and not let it distract me. Right now, I can fend for myself, I have my backbone of a couple of people who I can count on no matter what. I have priorities to fulfil, first to God. When our relationship is going great, then maybe "he" will come. Until then..."he" can wait. I'm not dating just to have a boyfriend, thats also waste of time. I'm out living my life and becoming my own person. When he comes, I will be ready and I'll know its God's will. Until then...i'm me. And i'm satisfied and happy with that.

love.

thoughts

I am going to be quite happy when school is over...
I found out today that my final (which I thought was 2 weeks away) is actually next week,
and that I'm making a B in a psychology course which is super easy.
I didn't do as well on my midterm as I thought...grr

So, yes I will be happy when the 15th-ish rolls around and I will be done with this semester!

On a lighter note, Dan is coming home soon.
If you don't know Dan, he is a missionary in St. Marc, Haiti.
He decided a few months ago to retire to Haiti to help out in a school.
I wish we had more Dans on the planet!

I cannot wait to hear his stories,
and look through pictures!
To have him around for a bit,
he is seriously missed by so many people!

We had youth tonight, and Mindi spoke on having a craving for a deeper prayer life.
It was an amazing sermon, and really just clicked.
We make time for the internet, television, even everyone around us...
but we don't make time for Him.

It is quite sad really,
to think that the Creator of the Universe wants our attention and we don't "have time" to give it to Him.

She said that what you eat, you crave.
You put junk in, you crave junk.
You put healthy food in, you crave healthy food...
Same principle with prayer:
you put God in, you crave Him more.
You pray more, you start to crave it.
You read more, you start to crave it...

As a side note to that realization..

I realize my complete lack of priorities and motivation lately!
Its sad, but I really get tired of the same routine all of the time.
So, I just stop doing some stuff...or do it half hearted.
But, i'm trying to get more focused with it!
It just seems like there are not enough hours in the day...

weird.

Life has been pretty good lately.
I have a few bumps that are tough to get over,
but that isn't anything new!

I have a few relationships that seriously need mending,
I just have been realizing how much I love the people in my life.
Its not that I don't like to be alone, trust me...I need it,
but I love having people around.
I love thier laughs, their smiles, their hugs...

They just make things more enjoyable!

Friendships grow apart so easily,
I miss a few of them dearly.

I miss my friends that live so far away, but are still close.
And those who are close, but seem so far away.

I think it honestly goes back to the priorities things!
Keeping what matters at the top and letting the rest fall in how it may...

blog is a funny word.

I've blogged before.

but this is different.

I'm kinda liking it.

maybe i'll keep it more updated on my life...

which i'm sure thrills you to no end ;) haha

its December first (well...actually its the second because its past midnight...but i'm going to pretend its still the first :)

anyway

today, it officially snowed!

(its only official when the ground changes colors!)

and i consider it officially winter.

I love winter for a few reasons...

*fires!!

*comfy clothes

*hot chocolate/hot tea (which I drink all of the time...but the winter makes it better for some odd reason)

*snow (to watch it or sled in it, not to drive in it)

*lots of movie nights (cuz its too cold to do a lot outside!)

*the holidays! :) :)

and thats about it. Other than that...please bring back fall!

Sam turned 16 last week,

it makes me feel old.

She gets her license in less than 60 days (which she informed me of..quite excited),

its so weird to watch people grow up right infront of your eyes.

It shows me how fast time is passing by :(

Not necessarily a bad thing, but definitely not good...cuz its flying by wayyyy too fast.

I'm kind of happy to get in the swing of things,

holiday weeks are so busy!!!

Thanksgiving was quite lovely (Thanksgiving a.k.a family disfunction at it finest),

but its always great one way or another!

My cousin was in town,

hes fun.

I see him about once every few years!

It was great seeing him and spending more time at my great uncles house...

Didn't go shopping on Black Friday til like 6pm (new thing for me)

where I got to see my friend Forest whom i missed a ton!

He works at Old Navy part time,

what a great place to work! haha

24 days til Christmas, my absolute favorite time of year!

I love everything about December (except the freezing-ness).

The lights, the music, and it seems like everyone is in better spirits around Christmas time.

I decorated my tree today,

its hot pink, lime green, turquoise, purple..you get the picture.

It puts me in a good mood just looking at it! I hope it makes you happy:

one big downside to Christmas=being broke! haha

but its being broke to make people happy...I guess I can live with that! :)

I also went to Starbucks today,
they teamed up with product (red)!
All of the proceeds go to a fundraiser for AIDs in Africa.

I like the campaign, i do my best to buy the merchandise!

Its pretty sweet stuff, plus its doing good!

What more can ya ask for!

I've rambled long enough!

love-